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YOUNG STAR'S ENDOWMENT "BEYOND INADEQUATE" FOR MERT & MARCUS
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NEW YORK – Reeling from the loss of the recent Emporio Armani Underwear campaign, actor Shia LaBeouf is taking matters into his own hands this week. WWWWD has learned of LaBeouf's dismissal from the set of a shoot by photographers Mert Alas & Marcus Piggott, who complained the Transformers star's endowment was "beyond inadequate." A source claims LaBeouf is now exploring elective testicular enlargement surgery, and seeking counsel from his co-star Megan Fox, who underwent a similar trans-formation earlier this year. "If heft and volume are Mr. LaBeouf's priorities, I would absolutely recommend Ms. Fox's procedure," said MIT's Dr. Leslie Cohen of the breakthrough surgery. LaBeouf's replacement? Footballer David Beckham, whose ads break in an outdoor billboard campaign this month. –Sandrine Clapper
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THE BREAK UP
We asked 1000 guys to spill their top reasons for dumping their girlfriends
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48% Dark roots
33% Crohn's Disease
12% Ingrown hairs
8% Gained three pounds
4% Last season's Chloé
3% Low self-esteem
2% Calluses
0.5% Knee overhang
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TODAY'S OBSESSION:
KNIVES!
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That's not a knife, that's a knife! Suddenly we're obsessed with knives of all kinds – they're multifunctional, ultra versatile, and they go anywhere. Slip them in your purse or down your back pocket and be on your way. It's time to get knife-happy!
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THE MAN SHOW
Alber goes nude! Caftans loom large!
Plus: the return of pants!
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PARIS – "People always say the men's shows aren't as important or exciting as the women's, but we've totally proven them wrong this year," said John Galliano, who sported a cone-shaped party hat in black crocodile to Dior Homme's exclusive after-party at sex club Le Depot. "This year, we even reserved the party room...in advance!" squealed Galliano, inadvertently exploding a pink popper in Raf Simons's face. "Men's fashion is becoming more fearless, more dynamic, and much less inhibited," said Lanvin designer Alber Elbaz, who was credited with "getting the party started" by arriving fully nude. Over the past week, the world's leading designers have presented their menswear collections here in the city of love and light, and the fashion message for Spring/Summer 2010 has been wildly divergent – from printed silk caftans at John Galliano to printed cotton caftans at Junya Watanabe. But one message has been crystal clear: pants are back, and from Ann Demeulemeester's flat-front linens to Tim Hamilton's pressed "nouveau" khakis, there's no stopping their impact and immediacy. "Men want to feel masculine again," explained Louis Vuitton designer Paul Helbers. "As we enter a brave new decade and the definition of manhood evolves once again, pants are firmly back on the agenda." –Carlotta Kimble
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THE GREATEST MALE ICONS OF ALL TIME
From Michelangelo's David to David Gandy, the most influential figures in the history of manhood
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450
In first known act of transvestitism, flat-chested Peruvian woman warrior assumes male persona to fight in battle
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1296
Dante "father of the Italian language" Alighieri beats out Saint Thomas "father of modern ethics" Aquinas as biggest swinging dick of renaissance culture
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1501
Male model Davide d'Antona agrees to pose nude for Michelangelo if he'll cast him in next season's Sistine Chapel series
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1896
Playwright Oscar Wilde defines own sexual identity as "Socratic," i.e. versatile bottom
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1921
Expatriate writers Ernest Hemingway and Ezra Pound become disillusioned in battle with back hair, prompting Gertrude Stein to deem them "the Lost Generation"
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1969
Psychedelic drag troupe The Cockettes coins the term "genderfuck," revisited 40 years later by actress Blake Lively
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1974
Burt Reynolds makes hirsute bodies appealing in Playgirl; American hair removal market sees 863% drop in sales
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1987
Typically conservative Walt Disney Company releases Three Men and a Baby, dealing openly with gay marriage and adoption
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1989
Transgendered comedian Paula Poundstone explores '80s theme of power suiting
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2006
Football star Tom Brady retreats to sub-human mating practices by dumping newly pregnant girlfriend for Brazilian supermodel
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2007
49-year-old male supermodel David Gandy claims to be 26 in GQ magazine Q&A
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2008
Rapper Lil' Bow Wow brings "murse" trend to new heights of public acceptance
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2008
Actor Brody Jenner brings straight male homoeroticism to new heights of public acceptance
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2009
Anna Wintour republishes paparazzi picture of Heath Ledger at 2006 BAFTA Awards as cover of Men's Vogue, which arrives as a six-page insert with Sunday's Circuit City mailer
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| GALLIANO ERECTS VIRILE NEW CONCEPT BOUTIQUE |
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COLOMBO, SRI LANKA – "This project was enormously intimate and deeply satisfying," sighed designer John Galliano, 48, who met reporters barefoot in a plush white bathrobe at his new Colombo boutique. "I can't articulate the intense profundity of experience I've found here. I hope that my customers will find it too, in this place that has given me so much." The store, designed by world-renowned architect Zaha Hadid, consists of a crude mud structure fashioned from a thick red clay that permeates the region. "I've found this to be the truest representation of my aesthetic," Galliano explained, "full of the same pulsing, tumescent energy I've channeled into my Pre-Fall 2009 collection." Ms. Hadid's provocative design includes a magnificent ornamental tower jutting 75 feet into the air. "For me, the project represents a return to the baser elements of life," explained Hadid, slapping a final coat of wet dirt on the tower shaft. "The building had to scream, 'I am man. I am magnificent. I am John Galliano.'" The designer's longtime friend and milliner Stephen Jones hopes the new boutique, scheduled to open in August, will restore "a sense of vigor and virility to the Galliano brand." –Hugh Jorgan
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DID YOU KNOW?
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of the 65 women who encountered Olivier Zahm
last Thursday night have complained of "mild discomfort" and "irritation"
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VIDEO:
RADICAL BREAKTHROUGH
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Actor and model Tony Ward is ageless. In an exclusive video for
WWWWD, Mr. Ward is abducted by thugs and forced to release the
secrets of his health regimen. Click here to watch >
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I LOVE IT WHEN A GUY...
What drives fashion's sexiest women completely wild? We asked them to reveal their biggest turn-ons
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...Buys the first round of Jager shots –Candy Pratts Price
...Covers himself in glitter –Diane von Furstenberg
...Finally finishes high school –Tory Burch
...Dutch oven –Karolina Kurkova
...Compliments my pussy –Grace Coddington
...Leaves me the last line –Lauren Santo Domingo
...Drinks pickle juice – yum! –Padma Lakshmi
...Stares at me –Meredith Melling Burke
...Leaves me the fuck alone –Linda Evangelista
...Drops charges –Courtney Love
...Gets rough with me –Dakota Fanning
...Sniffs my armpit –Kimora Lee Simmons
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HOW I STAY LIKE THIS
Six regular dudes reveal how they stay in the best shape of their lives
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Richard Buckley
"Pint of goat blood at dusk each evening." |
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Zac Posen
"Irritable bowel syndrome." |
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Ed Westwick
"Twice daily rounds of laser hair removal." |
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Dean & Dan Caten
"Poppers." |
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Michael Jackson
"Xanax, Zoloft, Soma, Dilaudid, Demerol, Paxil, Vicodin, Prilosec..." |
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Jason Wu
"Type-2 diabetes." |
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WWWWD Girl-O-Matic Spotlight
Your votes are in! This week's fashion fox hails from the city that never sleeps...with just anyone!
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Donna_Karan212
Aged 54
From New York
Online rating #93729
197,928 profile views, 28372 fans
Donna_Karan212's profile:
ABOUT ME
I love life, I love music, DJin, dancing, partys going out! I love
just having a laugh and having it easy no worries! I have got a
horse and I love my fast cars! I would love a Bugatti!
SEXIEST WOMEN
Thats a hard one....... germaine greer, Lady ga ga is hot, Eva so
many to choose from!
MY LIKES
Cars, Horses, Djing, films, parting, playin on the x box lol
MY DISLIKES
Heights!! I fricking hate them shake like made even on high
stairs!!
MUSIC
I love everything to be honest my faves are dance (most sorts)
and hip hop
MOVIES
Snatch is the best film ever, some amazing quotes!! Also the
blues brothers love the car chases!!
TELEVISION
Formula 1, Penguins of Madagascar, Beaches
SPORT
Anything that has cars in it!!!
BEST GAMING MOMENT
Are we taking dirty here or sports??
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FASHION SCRAPS
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Kanye and Pharrell Explore the Scent of Man
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LVMH and Jade Jagger Step Into Liquid Gold
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Kris Van Assche Stages Return to Kris Van Assche
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NEW YORK – Bromance, the top-selling fragrance for men by Kanye West and Pharrell Williams, sold out at New York City department stores and Sephora locations last Father's Day weekend in a record-breaking three hours. "No homo," explained Mr. West in the cologne's poignantly composed press release, which cites the stirring warmth and deep friendship that exists between the two artists as inspiration. "We're just good friends," confirms Williams, who declined to comment further. The cologne, containing notes of sandalwood, stripper sweat, cash money, and denial, is scheduled for re-release this fall with a special-edition "Bottle Up Your Feelings" amethyst diffuser.
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PARIS – Luxury goods group LVMH scrapped a plan to launch an expensive rice wine liquor targeting Asian markets to develop a range of $2 beer aimed to compete with deli favorites Bud Light and Steel Reserve. The new brew, appropriately named Laissez-Faire, will hit grocery stores next month in gleaming gold 12 ounce cans. "Laissez-Faire beer will introduce a luxury drinking experience to a new generation of undiscriminating consumers," said CEO Bernard Arnault, sipping a prototype through a platinum straw. British socialite Jade Jagger is tentatively slated to represent the new beverage in a high-budget Fall ad campaign. "It's really just perfect," explained the enthusiastic Jagger. "Laissez-Faire combines my two main interests – gold French stuff and beer – into one fabulous thing that will get me wasted."
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PARIS – Dior Homme designer Kris Van Assche cleaned out his Avenue Montaigne office on Monday afternoon only to return to his own label, Kris Van Assche, the following morning. "Mostly I was homesick for myself, and my own letterhead," Van Assche explained. After his dramatic departure – apparently prompted by the receptionist neglecting to say "Hello, Kris Van Assche's office" – Van Assche returned to his home studio to find welcome-back flowers and candy decorating his desk. The accompanying note, scrawled in red ink, read simply: "To Kris Van Assche, keep up the great work! Love, Kris Van Assche."
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IN MY TOOLSHED
Iconic photographer Annie Leibovitz reveals her secret weapons for life, love, and success
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Khaki pants
"A painterly way to express your individuality without
a tie" |
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Ab roller
"For a woman of my age an active sex life is crucial." |
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Jim Moffat
"My Captain Von Trapp." |
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Spinning wheel
"A great stress reliever - a must on set." |
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Signed copy of Annie Leibovitz At Work
"Fuck I'm good." |
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| RECOMMENDED LINKS:
www.goatse.fr
thecatorialist.blogspot.com
www.ahealthyme.com/topic/prostatequiz |
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